Growing up…UGGH.

Growing up. UGGH, That horrible horrible word. What comes to your mind when you think of “Growing up”? (Yup theres that word again.) I think of working a full time job, paying bills and bills and bills and did I mention Bills. oh and you get older. But, is it really all about the negativity when it comes to growing up . I know for years I wanted to stay young because I got a few bruises on my legs instead of heartbreaks. I got to eat whatever I wanted and not have the cruel people in the world call me fat. Life was better being young right? Or was it? I mean I have thought of all the horrible things that have happened to me and I’m only 19 years of age. but, what about the positive things. Im making money and oh I love money doesn’t everyone. I am making a living for myself, I get to do so many things without anyone stopping me. I am free. I feel alive now I can breathe, Yes it has its bumps and straight turns and unexpected stop signs. But, its a free ride. You can do whatever you want and be whatever you want. You can be a street musician or an artist who uses their fingers to paint. You couldn’t do that when you are younger because you had someone always there holding you back.  Growing up many be your worst nightmare now but, It will come along and you will see . Trust me I’m not saying its going to be easy because you are still going to have those bumps and turns and unexpected stop signs but, you’ll get a free ride and it will be the best long overdue ride of your life.

Tattoos in the workplace..

What do you think when you see tattoos ..

I know I see creative & an person expressing their art or feelings on their body.Your body is a big canvas is how I see it. I personally have tattoos and I love them and wouldn’t change them or remove them at all. I plan on getting more but, I worry as I go into my career that if I have to many it might be a distraction or that I won’t get a good job in the workforce. I shouldn’t have to worry about something like this. Tattoos are me and I like the way they make me feel. They tell stories and I shouldn’t have to worry. But, today in the world we have people who have their opinions and some people reject people with body piercings and tattoos because its just “not professional”. Wanting the job as an interior designer you don’t see very many designers with tattoos showing and its honestly a bummer. I don’t want to waste my time on school if I only am going to get let down when it comes to my tattoos. I wish this world wasn’t so judgmental.

–Amanda.

You got to do you.

Ever get that feeling that you have to impress everyone,

& of course when you fail to do that you feel like big pile of dirt?. I know I DO.

Trying to impress everyone is very exhausting.

For years I felt like I had to impress everyone so they would say that I am doing great

& that I was such a great kid.

You shouldn’t have to impress anyone with their high expectations of you.

YOU GOT TO DO YOU.

it wasn’t till 3 years ago I met someone who I could be myself

he didn’t care , he liked it

that I didn’t have to impress

because he liked me for me & I had already impressed him with being

ME.

I was finally

FREE & HAPPY.

The truth

I guess you could say I like to hide in my skin , I make them believe like I’m nothing but a happy person as I post on Twitter, snapchat & facebook etc. all the pictures of me with that huge white teeth smile , but lets face it that’s nothing but a lie. For years and years I have struggled with an anxiety disorder. I worry to much & it stresses me out through the whole day . I yell at all my love ones & hurt them because of this . I hardly have any friends or people that wanna be in my life anymore , the struggle is real and only people with this struggle too would only understand . . I refuse to take anything for it because I end up looking like a zombie and feel like one to. I get people saying I use this to get attention but I know what’s real and I know how hard it is . 

-Amanda .